It's Hard to Write a Sex Scene While Giggling

Romance, ah the mysterious beast that is romance.
Yes, I believe it's basically porn for women, but that's why we like it. My own taste in romance runs towards monsters and mayhem, and I'm most likely not alone in that respect as these authors sell a lot of books.
I've been trying to write a romance for years. Don't knock it, Romance is probably the most forgiving genre to break into, and perhaps the easiest. People can be very choosy about their fiction, even genre fiction, but romance has a lot of wriggle room. Many authors who start in romance have splintered off into other genres. I may not like Nora Roberts's books but I respect the hell out of her for basically creating an entirely new personality with J.D. Robb.

It's not that I can't spin a romance plot line, the mechanics of a successful romance are pretty straight forward: No matter how bloody and broken, fucked up and misunderstood you become along the way, everyone gets their happy ever after. That's why you read romance, for that slice of impracticality. No story telling is not the things that trips me up.

It's the damn sex scenes. There may be dozens of slang for male genitalia, but most make me burst out laughing. I mean does "She gazed upon his one eyed monster" really strike the right cord in a romantic setting. To quote a friend of mine "sex is just sex". However trying to write about male genitalia has nothing on the lady parts. For me, 'pussy' is a jarring word. There are few settings it fits smoothly into but it's one of those slang that just gets tossed into the sexy salad in many a romance I've read. And I have to say, hearing the medieval knight/dragon/viking warrior/vamp whatever talk about her 'tight pussy' just doesn't mesh. Most of the time, it's appearance makes me roll my eyes. Since I dislike the word so much I hate using it in my own writing, but surprisingly it's even harder to find words to stand in for vagina that don't sound like a 15th century porn. Between descriptors of felines and plant matter, finding the right words for a sex scene can turn into an epic word search.

I wonder if Nora giggles when she writes her sex scenes.